Time to unravel my screwed up psyche!

Hi Folks,

Pretty uneventful week here for the most part. I've been dealing with an emotional rollercoaster in coming to terms with the fact that my mom has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I joined a great support group on Facebook so I can vent about all the crazy things my mom did to me as a kid. As I've been venting, I'm realizing it's time for a bit of healing and self help. I haven't seen a psychologist (or more accurately psycho-therapist) since I was in my early teens, but I don't count her because she sided with my mom's craziness. I decided it might be time to talk to somebody and kinda reprogram my mind so that I can stop fearing the worst from people.
So, I already had an appointment to see my family doctor, who is AMAZING, by the way. I asked her to refer me to a psychologist so I can let the healing begin. I'm starting to realize how crazy my mom really was, because as I described a smidge of my childhood to my doctor, she looked at me with shock and disbelief that a parent would ever act the way my mom did, to a child. I have to say though, it's very validating to see others react that way. Anyway, I have to call for an appointment and set things up with her. I'm partly looking forward to it and partly nervous. The therapist I saw when I was a kid had my mom's back entirely, so she didn't exactly help me deal with anything that was going on. She still sides with my mom on everything to this very day, which bothers me entirely. I wish I knew why they still talk when my mom doesn't formally see her for appointments or anything. Anyway, validating my mom and invalidating me definitely screwed up my psyche. I'm trying to relearn what is 'normal' and what isn't. Apparently my perception of normal parenting isn't even close to what it should be.. which I knew to an extent, but now even more so. It will be good to revisit those bad memories with someone who can help me figure out what to do with those memories, rather than just tucking them back inside again. I made the announcement to my friends on facebook that I was going to get some help, and the reaction was practically a roaring crowd of cheers. Everyone from new acquaintances to very old friends told me they were happy for me, as they knew I suffered much under my mom. Even my high school principal commented, saying she never had any idea because I was always so sweet. Something makes me wish I hadn't been so sweet back then, so as to draw attention to the situation to get me help. My guidance counselors chalked it all up to teen drama, but little did they know it was nothing of the sort. It makes me feel good though that people from my past who didn't know what was going on finally have a bit of an understanding of what really happened and how it was hid so well from plain sight.
I'm looking forward to starting off with a clean slate with a new counselor. Someone who's view of me hasn't been tainted by misinformation, but who will know the real me and not who I am portrayed to be. At the same time, as I begin to unpack all of this baggage I've been carrying around, I feel a sense of anger at my mom. A wish to somehow get back at her for all the Hell she's put me through. I don't mean physical harm, but to make her feel the things she made me feel. I know that would never be possible though... I read that those with a narcissistic disorder never care how others feel and thus nothing I could ever say would make her realize what she's done to me. She will always play the innocent victim of circumstance and that frustrates me to no end. I'm dying for people whom she's fooled to point the finger and tell people that she's not the person she pretends to be. I feel like I need that validation. And while a few people have come out in the open and said it, I want it to be said by people as they just meet her... not as they figure it out over the course of a year. I wish her narcissism was immediately recognizable by others, because even that brief time of them exalting her kills me.
I know I shouldn't feel this way. And like I said, I would never wish physical harm to her. This is one of the things I will definitely need to bring up to the psychologist. I need to find a way to feel closure. I hope I find it someday otherwise I think I will lose my mind.